Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Manipulation

Ah, early Tuesday morning, listening to Bubba Ho-Tep. Feeling horrible. Went to homecoming this year against all my instincts. I snapped twice. Frickin' lost it all. Crying in movies is so unreal, simple tears streaming down the eyes. In real life, you fall to the ground when you weep, eyes look like hell, nose running all over the place. I no longer want to go to my high school. All my spirit feels worthless, and I don't belong anymore. I feel unneeded, unwanted, and tired. I am going off my Depakote so slow, but I am no longer emotionally stable. It's a hard trade-off, stability for intelligence. I grow so lonely everyday. Sure I think about sex, but that is not what I am going after. I just need to hold someone, take comfort in her arms. Oh, few will know this type of sad and loniless. Help, please help me tonight.