An Old Man with One Chance
As I starve for music, I spend an hour trying to get around WebSense Streaming-Media filters. Figured out you can just add ".nyud.net:8090" to everything BUT streaming media and you can get to that site. Example: http://www.megaproxy.com.nyud.net:8090 will get you to the proxy avoidance page, but still won't get you to your beloved LAUNCH customized radio station.
I woke up this morning angry, as angry as I had been in over a year. Frustrated and intolerant of my situation, all my patience gone, and I wanted to grab whatever was near me and break it. Like Fight Club, "I wanted to destroy something beautiful". I needed to go to school, I wanted to go to school. I am missing my second day of lacrosse tryouts in a row. And all I can think is 'Fuck it all'. Stuck inside a box within a cage; thrashing around gets me as far as being paralyzed, but I still try to free myself anyways. I cannot talk to anyone, I am withdrawn from those around me. I usually have that one person that encases the scenario "if they would call, I could talk to them. If I could see them, everything would be fine." But not now; no - everyone is too far away to see. I don't know who I am, or where to go to seek shelter. It scares me, but I have bitterness and traces of hate inside me. There's a monster living inside that hasn't been there before.
No direction, no motivation, no happiness. Just an empty house where love hope and determination use to live. Who is this person typing these words? This is not who I have known for 18 years. This is the feel of a old man who's tarnished soul has no spirit, who's mouth is eternally coated with that sick morning taste, a foul smell of dusty blood and tears, dry cold hands with cracks which have forgotten the sensation of warmth, and dull glazened eyes that have wept all his tears and are now dry with a pitiful sad emptiness. This man has lived his life, seen his family gone, and is waiting for his call from Father Time telling him his appointment. What happened to those years between 18-88? Why did I wake up today feeling like time is almost up? What the hell is going on? How could I blow my chances so quickly? I don't know what to do from here.
I woke up this morning angry, as angry as I had been in over a year. Frustrated and intolerant of my situation, all my patience gone, and I wanted to grab whatever was near me and break it. Like Fight Club, "I wanted to destroy something beautiful". I needed to go to school, I wanted to go to school. I am missing my second day of lacrosse tryouts in a row. And all I can think is 'Fuck it all'. Stuck inside a box within a cage; thrashing around gets me as far as being paralyzed, but I still try to free myself anyways. I cannot talk to anyone, I am withdrawn from those around me. I usually have that one person that encases the scenario "if they would call, I could talk to them. If I could see them, everything would be fine." But not now; no - everyone is too far away to see. I don't know who I am, or where to go to seek shelter. It scares me, but I have bitterness and traces of hate inside me. There's a monster living inside that hasn't been there before.
No direction, no motivation, no happiness. Just an empty house where love hope and determination use to live. Who is this person typing these words? This is not who I have known for 18 years. This is the feel of a old man who's tarnished soul has no spirit, who's mouth is eternally coated with that sick morning taste, a foul smell of dusty blood and tears, dry cold hands with cracks which have forgotten the sensation of warmth, and dull glazened eyes that have wept all his tears and are now dry with a pitiful sad emptiness. This man has lived his life, seen his family gone, and is waiting for his call from Father Time telling him his appointment. What happened to those years between 18-88? Why did I wake up today feeling like time is almost up? What the hell is going on? How could I blow my chances so quickly? I don't know what to do from here.
posted by Alex M. White at 3:32 PM
<< Home