In Absence of Stoicism

“Stoicism: an indifference to pleasure or pain by allowing oneself to be guided strictly by logic and virtue”

Watching a senior video at a friend’s house, the feelings of growing up overwhelm me. I often fool myself into thinking I am ready to move on…but there’s a scared kid inside holding my hand, not wanting me to grow. I think it’s a mixture of graduating and falling for a girl. I never want to have regrets, but I wish I had met her sooner. I like Kassy, she makes me laugh. I think she is really smart, and I respect her. I want time to get to know her, hold her hand…give her a fairytale kiss. Look in her eyes and think of nothing but being there with her. Why did I forget the joy of puppy love? Just goofing off, laughs and giggles, smiling at absolutely nothing: innocent affection.

Then there’s graduating…people I have known my whole life. I see Kassy’s senior video and I see people who’ll truly miss each other. I think what hurts the most is I don’t feel that. That reminiscent nostalgic feeling, the pranks and slow motion goodbye waves with tears…it’s not inside where I want it to be. I said “Goodbye” too soon, and while no one was listening. I wish someone was reading this, and I wish Kassy could know how much I think of her. And I wish "Float On" didn't make me cry.

2 days of high school work left. Why can't I do it?!? So frustrated with myself.